Well, I'm feeling better, actually went to work today and I did a workout this morning which, considering I'm still not 100%, I was completely surprised I did. And I actually pushed myself to really workout and get my heart pumping as opposed to the half-hearted, keep my heartrate slightly elevated and call it a workout type workout I promised myself I could do, since I was still a little sick and all... I think I've become a regular exerciser. I woke up in Brantford last saturday morning itching for a workout, so I took the car and found a gym (freakin' expensive one too $15 just to workout - in BRANTFORD. How the hell do they stay in business?). Me. Working out on a non-scheduled workout day. Because I wanted to. Who am I and what have I done with Susan? Seriously -- that so would not have happened three months ago. I'm amazed. And a little proud of myself.

Anyway, then the miracles continued as I went to my weigh in and lost .5lbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, half a pound, big freakin' deal - except last saturday I was up 2lbs and there was a wedding and I've been sick and I've been eating copious amounts of chocolate. So really, this loss should not be.
(x-posted to work in progress...

chocolate has invaded my life. i can't escape it. and so a sugar detox needs to happen. sooner rather than later it seems. oh how fun - i can invision days of headaches and cranky bitchiness. and with halloween around the corner this is not a good time, but it's also not a good time to give in to the sugar addiction either. so easy to indulge, since there is sugar EVERYWHERE right now. stupid halloween (not really. I LOVE halloween.) I wish i was better able to reduce the siren call of the sweet, sweet sugar...

workouts went well this week - I even got up on Saturday morning and drove around brantford looking for a gym so I could work out before the wedding. It was an awesome workout too - the gym is gorgeous and the equipment was fantastic and I worked myself hard. Yesterday I didn't do so well - my energy was so low. All I did was walk for 20 minutes at a pace of 3.5 miles and hour. but, as it turns out, i was getting sick so that would be why i had no energy. no workout today. no running or elliptical or much of anything. i'm home, on the couch, working from home with a mug of hot tea and a blanket. I love working from home :)

I'm up 2lbs. and i might be up more by thursday. i can't get this chocolate eating under control...

i am eating really yummy grapes right now. and to think I almost had chocolate instead of these really, really yummy grapes. If only all food that was good for me and low in points tasted this good. Would make chosing the grapes over the chocolate so much easier...

Had a good weekend, in terms of activity and social life and rest. I slept in both days, I stayed up late both nights (how quickly I return to my night owl ways), saw old friends I've not seen in ages, walked around parliament hill and played tourist with them which is something I've not done in ages, and mike and I played racketball on sunday thus having activity together. What a concept!

However, there were some pretty bad food choices (ie. the nachos at Zak's at 11 p.m. saturday night after two very yummy but sugary drinks at Milestones. Sure there was the walk around parliament hill, but that was not nearly enough activity to make up for the very large serving of nachos. With bacon. YUM, but oh so bad...). I have no idea what the scale will say on Thursday. If I even make it on thursday since this is the week of crazy busy from hell.

Anyway, Sunday morning Mike and I were both feeling bad about the overindulgence Sat. night so we went off to the gym for over an hour of racketball and then as he sat in the hottub, I did 20 mins on the elliptical, the bike and then this funky recumbant stepper machine - which is odd. I couldn't decide on what machine to use so I went from one to the next until ultimately ending with the stepper. I figure it all works out in the end and I did do about 1.5 hours of exercise on Sunday which rocks. We made pretty good food choices for the rest of sunday and so I did feel much like I was back on track.

Yesterday I did my elliptical workout - 33 minutes on the 'weight-loss' setting. It felt so good. I'm starting to understand the addictive qualities of the workout. You wake up feeling crappy and like the world sucks and then 30 minutes of sweat later the world is suddenly wonderful and you, fantastic. And then I sit at my desk for 8 hours and feel like I want to work out again. weird. but awesome.

Last night I went out for dinner with a friend - we ended up at an indian place for dinner which was FANTASTIC, and oh so good and oh so horrible regarding the points. I tried to be good, but the naan was calling its seductive flat-bread siren song and I gave into temptation. AND I didn't work out this morning, because all my gym stuff was still at work and it's our anniversary and so we're heading out early this afternoon to have a date and I won't be making it to the gym this evening either. But you know what, one day isn't going to kill me as long as I get back at it tomorrow. And it is our anniversary. Special occasion!

And no matter what the scales may say on thursday, my clothes are fitting so much better and a pair of pants that were ever so slightly tight that I bought a few weeks ago are now uber comfy if not a little loose so there are subtle changes, even if they're not registering on the scale, or that apparent to the eye, they are there. And I need to keep remembering that. This is worth it. It is SOOOO worth it.

yesterday was a run day: another seven sets of 2:1s. Finished with "relative ease" and by that I mean I wasn't dying at the end of it, but I was still really happy it was over. The last few sets took a lot in the way of convincing myself to keep going for that second minute. And since I do feel that I'm still really pushing myself with the 2:1s, I'm not going to try and increase back to 3:1s for at least another week. If I'm stuck at 2:1s until I lose some more weight, so be it. But at least I'm running a few times a week to keep that up.

On the elliptical however, I'm feeling less like I'm pushing myself. I was working at a good pace this morning, but I still didn't get my heartrate super high. I was always within the 'weight loss' range so it's not like my heartrate was super low or anything, just not at the cardio levels that it is when I'm running. And it was almost easy to do the circuit I chose today. I still was dripping sweat by the end, so I know I worked, but it didn't feel like a lot of work. And my heartrate shows it wasn't as much work as it's been in the past. And that's okay - shows I'm improving, but I'm going to have to figure out other ways to push myself on the elliptical - try some other of the programs perhaps. It is definately easier on the kness than the running, so it is the machine of choice until I get about 30 more lbs off.

I also am so glad I started pilates/yoga again this week. They use such different muscles and so are a different challenge than the cardio workouts I do. And they are calming, which is also a plus. (or at least they will be even more so once I build some flexibility). So now what I'm still lacking is my strength training. It's been a month since i've been to curves. And I know I need to develop my upper body strength and build muscle. It's all about figuring out how to get my butt there, at a mininum for 2x a week. I have to go until january anyway. Then I can just chose not to renew my year, so I might as well use it, and then if it also becomes routine, I'll keep it. I need to do strength training, I hate the weight machines at the gym, I hate the freeweights at home, so this really is the only option I can remotely stand. yes, I still don't love it, which is why I avoid it, but I NEED TO DO IT. So go do it already!

As for weight watchers - weigh in last night was the same as the week before. HOORAY! I ate vast amounts of chocolate, fried foods and desserts with wheat over the thanksgiving holiday and didn't track one thing all week, so the fact that I didn't gain is soooo amazing. I'm sure it's the exercise. At the meeting yesterday the leader talked about keeping our eyes on the goal even through the fog of plateaus, stress, temptations,etc. She had us write a list of all the reasons WHY we want to lose weight. For me I changed it to all the reasons I want to be healthy - since the weight loss is really a side effect of this lifestyle change. And since it's always good to keep reminding me of these reasons, I am going to repeat them here:

Why I'm Doing This:

* To feel better
* To avoid diabetes, high blood pressure, and other health issues
* To help with depression
* To prove to myself that I am worth taking care of
* To be able to have children, and then set positive examples for them
* To be a better partner to mike
* To enjoy life
* For self esteem, self respect and self love.
* To be able to buy clothes from stores like Jacob, Tristan, Mexx, etc.
* To look good at Jon and Christina's wedding
* To smile at my reflection every day, not just on the days I'm feeling 'thin'

I needed a reminder of all my reasons for doing this, since this has been the type of week that has made me question my committment. It's good to see all the reasons I'm doing this written out, so I can refer to them over and over and over again.

made it to the gym today for a great elliptical workout. yay me. and eating was pretty good too. and i did yoga tonight when i got home from work, but all the same i'm still a grumpy guss and tired and blah. waaaaahhhhhhh.

and so i'm gonna go to bed.

but yay me for getting to the gym and working out and taking care of myself, even when I feel like I don't deserve that. I just hope that someday, really soon, I'll feel like I deserve this time I'm taking to take care of myself...

Thanksgiving has come and gone and while I don't think I made as much of a pig of myself as I have in the past, there were many times when the choices i made were not of the good variety. But the turkey was yummy and the wine was flowing and I don't think I did a lot of damage. The scales will have their say on thursday.

This morning was a run day - I'm moving to a Tues/Thurs run, Mon/Wed/Fri elliptical schedule, at least until I lose more weight. The running is hurting my knees ever so slightly, and the not progressing on how long I can run at a time was bumming me out, so I figure I'll shake it up a little. I did 7x2:1 today for a total of 21 min walk/run and then a 5 min walking cooldown. I've not been able to do the 3:1 since that one magical time, so in order to keep running in my life, but keep me from getting all down on myself and discouraged and give-y up-y as I usually get, I'm going to run 2:1s until it they longer pose a challenge for me. I'm in no hurry to run long times/distances. Just as long as there is progression. And the elliptical is easier on my knees, and I like it more. It's just not as hard. So I'll push myself harder on the days that start with T and not as hard but for longer time on the other weekdays. Weekends I will do some activity like walking/cleaning (or in the case of this weekend, lugging trees around at the cottage: I feel like superwoman as I helped to fell some trees and lugged countless logs and branches for hours. And, I didn't get totally exhausted. Whoot.) I'll go to the gym if I feel like it, but there is no scheduled, structured, "i have to do this today" kind of activity. At least not yet.

I'm also aiming for M-W-F to be Curves days. We'll see how that goes. I need to bring more strength training into my life. I also want to do more pilates/yoga. I just don't know when all this is gonna happen.

I went to a different gym this morning - the Orleans Rec centre instead of Plant. I was there for 6 a.m. when it opened and was home again by 6:50. There are pros and cons to making this a regular thing.

Pros:
* No lugging of gym bag to and from work on the bus (unless it is a curves day - because then I need it to hit curves on the way home).
* I can shower and eat at home before leaving for work.
* There would be more opportunity to use Mike's car, therefore improving my stick shift driving skillz. (has absolutely nothing to do with my fitness goals, but much to do with overall quality of life *grin*)
* Did I mention the no lugging of gym bag to and from work and the showering at home? This is a big, big pro.

Cons:
* I have to get up at 5:30 (although, if I'm bussing to Plant, I need to get up about that time too. Usually Mike can drive me to Plant, but not always...)
* There are only 2 treadmills at the Orleans gym. So if I'm not there right at 6, I might not get one.
* There are only two ellipticals at the Orleans gym. And they're not the Precor ones that I like.
* There are no individual TVs like there are at Plant. Which means, I can't watch my Canada AM in closed captioning. Also, Canada AM isn't on at 6 a.m.
* Because there are fewer machines and the gym is much smaller in size, I feel much more on display that I do at Plant, even if there were only three other people working out. This feeds my insecurity and paranoia about others watching me red-faced and sweating.

I may try this a few more times to see if it is a trend I'd like to continue, at least on treadmill days. Part of me is screaming "don't mess with routine, that way madness lies" and another part of me is all for the less gym bag lugging. We shall see. I've been saying that a lot...

i've been remiss in updating this...not that this is for anyone but me, but it's important to keep a record, so i can look back and see my progress. i decided to do this online mainly because for whatever reason, i have far more success keeping an online journal than i do a private one. perhaps the latant exhibitionist in me? who knows...

i did the run/walk thing last friday: ran 3 sets of 3:1, and then for the fourth set I ran 2:1 and then walked for the rest. My motivation for the running is waning, since I can't seem to get beyond those 3 minutes at a time... Saturday was spent sanding windows and porch railings and painting. Mike did the second story windows and i did the main floor - no ladders required there :). I also ran much paint up and down the stairs so the man could prime and paint the windows on the second story. For the first time I'm really glad we have a small townhouse. It took 6 hours just to do our 6 windows - I can't imagine how long it would have taken if we had outside walls and windows on all four sides of our home!

Sunday was the CIBC walk for the cure - I did the 5K without difficulty, and actually walked it quite quickly. I feel good about it. Definately something I'm going to plan to do on a regular basis. Perhaps I'll even run it one of these years...

Monday I did another walk/run combo, but it was just 5x2:1 and then walking for the rest. I was low energy and again the motivation to really push me to even finish a complete set of 2:1s wasn't there. I did have a good conversation with a guy I've seen at the gym a few times. He told me that when he first started he had trouble with the running and so decided to keep at the elliptical until he'd lost about 40lbs. Then he tried the running again and he found it much better. He was very encouraging, and it got me thinking that perhaps I might want to ease off the running and focus more on the elliptical until I lose some more weight. There are many good arguements for this: 1. I like the elliptical more, 2. it's easier on my knees and 3. I like the various programs on the elliptical, so that will give me some crosstraining options that aren't available on the treadmill. So instead of trying to run 3x a week and do the elliptical the other day or two that I make it to the gym, I'll do the elliptical 3x a week and then the treadmill the other 2 times a week, with a run/walk of 2:1 or 3:1 or whatever I feel like I can accomplish. And once I lose some more weight, then try the running again. Since the elliptical is easier on my knees, I can keep a faster sustained pace on it for a longer time than i can the treadmill, so it may be more condusive to the weight loss... I don't know. My friend who is training for a half marathon soon was reminding me too that I need to work on my strength. Which means i REALLY do have to get back to curves. It's so easy, especially lately with being so tired and headachy, to skip curves and just go home after work. So next week, I committ to making it to curves. at least 2x (the bare minimum i need to start building more muscle...)

Tuesday I had a doc's appointment so there was no gym. All is well - the news was good, no further surgery necessary (hallelujah!). And she was positive about the changes she saw me making, etc.

Wedensday was 30 min on the elliptical doing one of the x-training courses.

Today, I woke up feeling like crap with a headache and a stiff neck. At some point during the night I must have slept on it funny, because I had dreams about advising people about natural products for muscle tension relief (I hate dreaming about working in retail. I thought I'd left that hell behind years ago...) and when I woke up my neck was stiff and there was a huge knot at the base of my neck/shoulder. Working out probably would have been good, but I think the extra sleep and getting to work early was also a positive. Depending on how the neck feels I might try some pilates or yoga when I get home, as I do want to start doing that more too...

Tonight is ww. I've not been exceptionally good this week, but I did manage to write down everything since monday. I think in my mind, i'm not really starting ww until after thanksgiving which has hindered my motivation. but my scale at home is showing a loss, so we'll see what thier scales have to say tonight. at least i'm writing down what i'm eating so i'm acutally aware of what's going in my mouth. Which, really, isn't all that much different from before, which is also what i expected. (although there has been less chocolate. yay me.) I've been losing weight, it's just slow, but steady, and that's what I want. My clothes are loser and in some cases, completely unwearable, and I'm feeling good about myself, which is by far the best thing of all of this. So no matter what the scales say, I need to remember that I feel better. That is the key...