So, i've started working out. like seriously working out, in that i'm learning to run as i thought i might run a 5K in a month. Things were going well. i was struggling, but i made it through the run 1 min, walk 2 min week without dying. the run 1 min, walk 1 min week was harder, but i did it. Run 2 min, walk 1 min just about kicked my ass, but i was triumphant last Saturday morning all alone in the Nepean Sportsplex cardio room as i made it through the final few seconds of my 7th set of 2 minute runs. this week was to be run 3 minutes, walk 1 minute. was supposed to be. I haven't even been able to run 7 sets of 2 minutes since that glorious workout five days ago. i'm exhausted. i have no energy. i run the first couple of sets of 2 minutes and then i need to walk. for the rest of the 30 minute workout. i try to run and maybe make a minute but then i have to stop. i don't get what's wrong... Well, no i get what's wrong. my body is trying very hard to tell me that "Hello, you're a fat lady. Running while lugging a good 80lbs of extra weight, maybe a little difficult bitch..." 'cuz while i've lost 25lbs in the last few months, there's still a looong way to go...so I'm trying to decide what to do - keep struggling with the running in the hopes that my body will decide to get over itself and catch up with the rest of my learn to run class, or go back to the walking/elliptical until I build up my stamina enough to be able to run for more than two minutes on a treadmill, and then, perhaps run out in public without wanting to cry. or just get over the voice in my head that says "this is hard, give up" that often comes out to play when i exercise. That would be the best option, but by far the hardest...

i don't want to go back to doing nothing. while finding time to get to the gym and workout has been hard, i'm enjoying the feeling. i'm seeing results. unfortunately, those results seem to be seen in shirts that used to hug my curves nicely now hanging far too loose around my rapidly shrinking boobage. why is it the fat leaves us first in the one place we'd like it to hang around? i mean, if i've gotta have the fat, couldn't it stay in my boobs, and perhaps, leave from my belly instead? and i don't want to give up on yet another something that i've started. but at the same time, i don't want to push my body too hard so i'm forced to quit. i'm torn. and tired. and whiney. but that's not new...